growth.

So lately I’ve been wondering what do I really want in life, I know I want to follow my passion but even to pursue your passion, there has to be a “why”, a reason to why you want to do what you want to do. I’ve been a dreamer since I was a kid, imagining what I will be doing in the future and never thinking of “what if I don’t make it”. However lately since I’ve been home for the summer break, I’ve been very unproductive and not been able to even find a “normal job”, my own expectation of me has accumulated to view myself as a failure, which is why I’ve been asking myself what does really motivate me?

This video was not planned in any way, my girlfriend and I went to Folkestone, Kent just before the sunset and I thought to express what has been on my mind lately.

Voiceover

I’ll be going into third year of my uni, and I still feel lost as ever.

Some people seem to be motivated by money, some by fame and others by a sense of security.

But me… I don’t know what motives me.

I mean, I do enjoy learning, not just by books.

It could be anything, from films to real life experiences.

I love those little moments in life.

I love listening to other people.

I love observing life.

I just love to feel.

I don’t know exactly what I want in life.

But I know for sure, what I don’t… and that is to stay still.

I guess, I’m motivated by… growth.

 

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Venice Trip

I hate feeling guilty and whenever I take some time off to relax, do nothing or even take holiday, that feeling of guilt starts to erupt. The whole time in my mind I think about how I could’ve used that time to do something useful. Luckily, my girlfriend is the opposite, she believes in living in the present, which is how she convinced me to go on this trip to Venice.

Venice was great, a perfect place to get lost and explore.

Being an aspiring filmmaker, I also took few cameras to test, a BMPCC and a 35mm film camera.

With the video I tried to avoid slowing down the clips and use fancy transitions, realized my shots aren’t as strong as I would like it to be, as most of the shots were unusable and I feel the final video lacks depth and story.

I’ve always admired the tone and feeling produced from 35mm film cameras but never got the chance to try it. So taking advantage of university’s equipment, I borrowed Pentax K1000 and bought some exposures from Amazon, here is the result. (Used http://www.photo-express.co.uk to develop and print the photos)

Thinking back, I’m glad I decided to go to Venice. Even though working hard and being productive is something that gives me satisfaction, my life will not feel complete as these little moments spending time with my loved ones are something that will stay with me forever.

The Other Side – Short Film

After running Coventry half marathon, I finally had enough confidence to shoot this short film.

One of the most common advice you will find from hearing successful filmmakers is that “Just make a film, get a camera and just shoot”, while it does sound easy, making a film is incredibly complicated and making a good film is even more complicated.

After seeing lot of 3rd years in my uni, who are stressing over their final major projects, I wanted to make a film as well but with different intention; not to get a good grade but to grow as a filmmaker.

I spent a month or two, writing the script and re-writing it. One thing I’ve realized is that as a student you have the opportunity to get help from tutors, even for personal projects. Huge shout out to Clifton Stewart, an experienced screenwriter/ tutor, who gave me lot of feedback on the script.

I had never worked with trained actors so this project was almost like a vehicle to take me outside my comfort zone forcing me to hold auditions, rehearsals, contact agents and so on. It was new but it definitely did not feel new, maybe it was because I was looking forward to it for a long time.

As I felt slightly intimidated working with actors who have worked on feature films, I tried to shoot everything very quickly without making them wait for too long, with minimum equipment and crews. However after getting feedback from one of the actor I’ve learned that I did the complete opposite of what a director should do. I should have concentrated 100% on telling the story in the best way possible instead of worrying about the actors.

As I wrap up this project with multiple re-edits (5 to be exact), I’ve learned that to learn to make a good film, you just have to make a film, “just get a camera and shoot”. Even though it did not turn out the way I had hoped, leaving me with thoughts such as if I had done this  or that, made this decision instead of that, why didn’t I do this and so on, it was an enjoyable process and I’ve definitely learned a thing or two; helping me to take one step closer to my dream.

Letter to 30-year-old Me

I’ve always wanted to go to Paris, not only because of admiration I have for Jean-Luc Godard and the french new wave but I had fallen in love with their language and their culture since we had to learn french in year 7. So, on my 21st birthday my girlfriend and I decided to go there for 4 days. I couldn’t have made a better decision, Paris felt like a home to me and to be spending those moments with my other half, it was a paradise.

On the way back, I realized I had an extra postcard and since I’m doing a project where you have to send a message to someone, I decided to send a message to 30 year old me.

file-23-02-2017-07-29-46file-23-02-2017-07-36-56

I’m looking forward to reading it on my 30th birthday.